The bricks that bind us: gutting goodbyes

As I reflect on our time at GROW’s campus, I am proud of our team for all they accomplished, and the hard work and sweat they poured into the construction and various projects for the mission. However, I am most proud of the courage they demonstrated through opening their hearts to the children and our fellow teammates, sharing vulnerability, and spreading love and joy. They poured out their hearts in Thailand, and I couldn’t have asked for more.

The strong bonds that were built with the children and staff throughout our weeklong stay also meant a hard goodbye. The children were crushed that we were leaving, as they had never had a team stay that long. On Saturday, they threw us a goodbye party, complete with many tears. As our team filled the room, Thatsani grabbed my hand and led me to a seat next to her. She did not release the grip on my hand for another five minutes; this 12-year-old girl needed the comfort it provided. Her eyes were brighter than I had seen them all trip, and love was shared through our gaze.

After a few dances and songs, they called our team to the front to give us parting gifts to thank us, an unnecessary gesture but in line with the hospitality they had displayed all week. While the gifts were generous, the most inspiring gift was the hand-drawn thank you cards the kids made for each of us. In a mad dash, three children ran to me to present me their card: Thatsani, with a big smile and nod, Naiyana, eyes filled with tears and a gentle hug, and Aat, with belly laughs and a thumb war. Next, a few of the children wanted to share their stories to thank our team. When Preeda went forward to speak, she broke down bawling. She shared how much she would miss our team, and how we became her friends that week. She simply she did not want us to leave. It was not long before every eye in the room was red, and sobs could be heard throughout. After a short time, I shared that we, too, did not want to leave, but that we did not have to think about it yet. We still had all day tomorrow together. Tomorrow, we would say goodbye, our hearts were not ready to do so that night.

Faa agreed, and announced that they had one more surprise for us that evening. We walked to the basketball courts together in the dark and were handed sparklers, a true treat. Shortly after, fireworks began erupting in the sky over the mountains. With Naiyana and Thatsani by my side, I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face. Fireworks have always been special to me; there is something about the popping sounds and bursts that light up the night sky that causes me to reflect on life and all I have been blessed with. Fireworks signify freedom and new beginnings. As I looked around at the joy on the children’s faces, I prayed for new beginnings for them. I prayed that God would take care of each of them and the many other children in the villages that had not yet found a home. I prayed for myself, that God would lead me to a more fulfilling life that matched the purpose I found this trip, and that I would have the courage to respond to his ask. I prayed that as we said goodbye, both the children and our team would continue to find healing instead of causing more hurt. With each boom, more tears flowed. With each boom, came more prayers for the little hands that were now interlocked with mine. Neither of us were ready to let go. We were not ready to say goodbye.

The following day was Sunday, and our goodbyes were to come after church. Throughout breakfast, we began seeing other faces appear on campus, and soon learned that Faa had invited many of the children’s families and community members to join us – a wonderful surprise. We had also prepared our own surprise. Throughout the service, Nate and William joined the band for worship, the kids prepared tribal dances, Rob shared his testimony, and Nate shared the main message for the day. I was proud of the two of them for stepping out to share their faith in front of the rest of our team, as well as the children and their families. Then came our surprise: our team prepared a song for them. All ten of us joined together on stage to sing “This is Amazing Grace” by Phil Wickham. It’s hard to explain how it feels to sing a worship song with nine of your coworkers to the children who changed your life that week. It was beautiful in every sense – joining together in faith and watching the eyes of the children light up as they clapped along. Again, I had the feeling that hit me the first week in church: worship is universal. I thanked the God of the universe for that moment, for allowing us to come together that week under His name. For the impactful experience, the sharing of faith between coworkers, and the lessons he had taught me. And I thanked him for the joy. I was no longer crying as I was the night before, but my heart was bursting with joy.

After our song, Faa brought up a few of the children’s parents to share their testimonies. It was touching. One parent even sang a beautiful song in her tribal language that brought chills throughout my body. The testimonies we heard that week from the children and parents alike opened our teams’ eyes and furthered the drive for the mission we came to complete. They each come from heartbreaking situations, but their joy is more immense than I could describe.

After church and lunch with the families, it came time to say goodbye. We gathered the children and brought them into the new girls’ home we had been working on that week. Each child was handed a few crayons to write their names, prayers and more on the walls. That moment was defining. The brick walls our team put up quickly became filled with life and love. We ended the week celebrating the new home that was constructed at GROW, and that is not a reference to the physical one. As we said goodbye, each child was given one of our Shook shirts as a small token. There were tears of sadness, but yet we left on a note of joy. Twelve new children would have a new place to call home soon. I prayed over those brick walls, that they would offer stability, love, faith, and hope to all those who entered them. And I prayed that God would bring me back to this place one day to meet those 12 children to see their hope restored.

Through their tears, the children still managed to run after us screaming and waving with joy as the vans pulled out the gate of GROW’s campus. There wasn’t a dry eye to be seen. It was a somber, quiet drive to Chiang Mai as we all processed the impact this week had on us. As our team left that new home and headed back around the world to our families, a piece of us remained in Thailand, a piece of our hearts that I believe will draw many of us back again.