Nothing but noise: seeking God when life is loud

“Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone in good spirits? He should sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? He should summon the presbyters of the church, and they should pray over him and anoint [him] with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven.” – James 5:13-15

Last week, my Uncle Jason passed away. Jason’s death was unexpected and shook me up a bit. He was only 52. Though I struggled to process it at first, Jason had Williams Syndrome and had outlived his life expectancy. Our family found peace in knowing his struggles in this world were no longer. I pictured him gleefully singing and dancing in heaven with his newest friends. What bound him here on earth no longer bound him in heaven. Though, I never saw Jason as bound. He lived freely, full of joy and always ready to dance.

On the way to his viewing today, I had a little extra time and decided to stop at the church to pray. I hadn’t been to Adoration since my return from Thailand, and I was craving silent time with Jesus. Since coming home, I had struggled to find pure silence and prayer time and was overwhelmed by the noise. I knew the church would not have Adoration, but I could pray in the church with Jesus away from the noise of life. As soon as I knelt down in the small chapel, someone began vacuuming the church. My whole body saddened, but I tried to pray through it. Then, a persistent beeping began in the chapel. As much as I stared at the Tabernacle and tried to pray, all I could think about was the noise.

Life has been filled with noise lately and I’ve been distracted. Now, even here in front of the Blessed Sacrament, there were distractions. My safe space didn’t fill my needs today, and I was open with Jesus about that. I told Him how I was here to pray and talk to Him, yet the noise followed me. It was loud. Life was loud. How could I get myself to sit still and pray to Him? My brain notices the smallest noise and movements and I cannot turn it off sometimes to pray. It frustrates me, and after a few prayers and singing a short song to try to engage my brain and prayers in a different way, I frustratedly made my exit from the chapel.

Shortly after, I arrived at the funeral home for the viewing. Seeing Jason was hard, but he looked so peaceful. With his Buckeye medal and OSU/Macro’s Pizza hats in the casket and surrounding photos and flowers, it felt representative of him and a life – though full of struggles – very well lived. As our extended family sat down and began praying a rosary together, I had an overwhelming thought of silence. In my life, I often don’t feel like I can get away from the noise. I crave silence and peace to be able to reflect and pray more intentionally. Yet, the only time I will truly have silence is when I pass from this world. Will it be too late if I forgot to talk to God in the midst of the noise? Will I get to go to heaven to see Him, or will the noise of the underworld consume me? I shouldn’t need silence to talk to God. Silence can be good for us to pray, listen and set aside time for God, but it cannot be the only way we find Him. We need Him in the noise, often even more. We need to pray to seek Him in the hardship. When we don’t have the desire or capability to pray or go seek Him, that is when we need Him more.

I’ve struggled with my prayer life lately, and that is hard to admit to myself. I have spent time sharing testimonies on how to pray and connect with God, but I’ve forgotten what a strong prayer life looks like. I’ve been lacking in discipline to uphold it. I strive to serve God yet forget to talk to him. My prayer life has changed over the years and looked different in various seasons. It is not surprising that as I begin a new chapter of life, my prayer life will need to change again. Lord, I ask for the devotion to seek new ways to pray and encounter you, and the wisdom on how that will look in this new chapter.

Do you struggle finding time to pray amid the noise of life? Or do you seek God in the middle of the noise? Do you endure the struggle alone or sit with Him in a quiet place or the chapel to simply be present with Him? Identify the areas where you haven’t let God in fully, or where you struggle to feel God the most. Maybe it is in the middle of a busy workday or taxiing your kids to and from sporting events. Or perhaps it is when you are alone and your brain is working overtime. No matter where, God wants to enter those spaces more. If you are struggling with your prayer life, what is keeping you from a greater one? Discipline? Noise? Not knowing how to pray? Identify what is holding you back from that intimacy, and then write out three steps on how you will work toward strengthening it this week.

Let’s pray:

God, help me to find the discipline to pray amid the noise and strengthen my prayer life. Reveal to me how to pray fervently once again. Inspire a fire in me to read scripture, to fast, to make sacrifices, and give alms for you. I don’t want to wait to talk to you until my silence is forever, I want to talk to you daily and be fully enamored by you. Give me the courage to go where you call and to live my life where you are glorified through my works. Help me to embrace the noise and your place in it. I love you, Lord, even when I don’t act in a manner according to your will. Allow me to draw closer to you and prioritize time with you in life so that one day, I may experience your kingdom.