A lesson in love: a grandmother’s sacrifice for her family

Our next home visit in Harlan County, KY, was to a family of six children in Harlan. Harlan is much bigger than Loyall, the County seat, but still full of scattered hills and various types of home. There is still little economy here.

When we arrived, a little boy about three years old answered the door and immediately hugged my legs. After me, he went around and hugged each person in our group. My heart was instantly stolen. This child, who had never seen me or had any idea why I was at his house, felt the need to give me a hug. The hearts of children are truly special. Oh, the things we could learn from them if we were only willing to humble ourselves.

As we entered the home, kids started appearing out of various corners. At ages 3, 5, 8, 11, 12 and 13, they were eager to meet and play with their new guests. And, well, the toys. They deeply loved the new toys we brought them. Even the teenagers who tried to play it cool couldn’t wipe the grins off their faces when given a new basketball and soccer ball – they never stopped playing with them during the 30-minute visit.

While the four high school girls I brought with me played with the kids, I talked to the grandmother since the parents were at work. She told me how it was hard to watch six children every day. They were always full of energy and it was very chaotic in the home; she was older and was very tired. But, like most grandparents, she loved her grandchildren dearly and did what was needed for the family, even when it was at her expense. She told me all about how she had moved in after her late husband passed a few years earlier. She moved to Harlan simply to help her daughter and be closer to them, and they needed her help to be able to provide. I was touched by the love this grandmother had for her children and grandchildren, to sacrifice so much to serve them.

This home was much different than the last house we visited in Cumberland. It was much larger, but also much dirtier. There were trash bags filling most of what appeared to be a table, the house was dark – all blinds were pulled, and there was little furniture or toys. Overall, there was little in the house except trash, a small Christmas tree, and one object that felt very out of place: the largest TV I had ever seen. I’m guessing it was somewhere around a 97” TV, filling an entire wall in the living room. It continued to strike me how odd this was as I talked with the grandma and after we left; yet it is something I had seen before while ministering to families downtown Columbus through fostering or other programs.

It’s hard for me to comprehend how someone with such a low income could afford a luxury TV as in this case. Unfortunately, poverty is often generational and learning how to budget or save is rarely taught. Make money, spend money: a vicious cycle. I truly believe one of the ways to help people out of poverty is teaching people about budgeting and saving. Sadly, the folks in similar situations to this family that I have formed more intimate relationships with have always declined help in this area; they didn’t know a different way nor anyone who didn’t live paycheck to paycheck. They felt they didn’t need it. Oh, how I wish they could see the value in it, especially for their kids. How I wish they could understand investing that money to save in case their job fell through again or because they ran out of food stamps at the end of the month and needed groceries and toilet paper. How I wish they understood the benefit of riding the bus to save money to purchase a car in the long term instead of using Uber to get to and from work daily because they had money for it right now. Extending their foresight would go miles, but that is a topic for another discussion and one I wouldn’t solve here today. Today, we were simply here to bring the kids a bit of joy and the family a meal this Christmas.

After asking the grandmother if we could pray together before leaving, she gathered the kids quickly and had us all stand in a circle and grab hands. “They’re used to this at Sunday School,” she exclaimed. “It’s good practice.” I once again challenged our high school students to lead the prayer; this time, one accepted. It was so heartwarming to see this 16-year-old break out of her shell and step into the uncomfortable territory of praying out loud in front of a group of perfect strangers. It’s not an easy task to pray in front of a group, especially when you are locked in hands with a family you just met, whose poverty level and daily life looks far different than your own. However, her words sang perfectly in the air and right to the heart of grandma, leaving her in tears.

Challenging our high school students felt like my mission for this trip. Yes, serving the people of Harlan County was the main mission, but my personal mission was to challenge our high schoolers to break out of their shells, build their relationship with the Lord, step into the uncomfortable situations to pray freely, give more of themselves in service, and not be afraid to be vulnerable. This was the mission that fueled me this trip. To watch this particular student take a leap of faith for the good of others and to grow herself felt like a huge win for the Lord.

After prayer, we began saying our goodbyes. Sadly, the kids didn’t want us to leave; they were desperate for playmates. Even the older kids begged our attention by telling us about the well-known Poke Sallet Festival in Harlan County and told us to come back in the summer to check it out. They assured us we would love the food, rides and more. It took every ounce of willpower to leave those kids and get back into the car. We were pulled away only by the thought of early afternoon hitting and three more families still awaiting our arrival.

As I drove off, the scene of the three-year-old hugging my legs upon meeting each other was engrained in my brain. He was desperate for attention and to be loved. I, too, was desperate for that love. God inherently created us to love and be loved as His children. Today, I was blessed by a little boy who gave me the first hug I have received in a few weeks. Perhaps, a Poke Sallet Festival is in my future after all….

“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.” – 1 John 4:7-12