Replacing lack with light

I haven’t been writing lately. Why? I haven’t found room. My brain is on overdrive. I am exhausted. I am out of ideas. Every bit of my mind is being used up by my ADHD and anxiety that never let my brain rest. It is constantly on overdrive.

What my brain needs is rest. I need to turn off all the to-do lists and rethink big picture what I am passionate about. When I narrow in on those things and direct my time toward them, I remember that writing is not a burden. Writing is something I actually love to do.

But I have been on overdrive lately. Big initiatives at work, an ongoing slew of medical appointments, keeping up with my house & car, and simple day-to-day chores have consumed me. At the end of the day, I feel like all the analytical parts of my brain are wiped. They need a break and the thought of writing, even on a topic I’m passionate about, is painful. So I push it off for another day.

Essentially, what I think it boils down to is that I have not been feeling inspired lately. Not in my personal life or spiritual life. I’ve been feeling a lot of lack. Lack of passion. Lack of motivation. Lack of energy. Lack of desire. The things that used to fire me up have now exhausted me or stolen the joy. I’ve always strived to live my life for others, to become a better person and model behavior that I want to see more of in the world. I have strived to give more of myself to serve an organization, friend, child, significant other, etc. But right now, I do not feel like I have a person to sacrifice for and that has removed my passion and created space for the god of lack to move in. It has removed the purpose. I enjoy doing things for others yet I struggle to find the motivation to serve and care for myself. I am fueled by serving and also by not letting people down. Lately, life’s been all about me. My decisions are mine — no one is scrutinizing, no one is waiting on them, no one is holding me accountable, and no one is providing the reassurance to keep acting in that manner. So lack creeps in.

I recently read that satan is the god of lack (little g). He draws us to the areas that are lacking and makes us dwell there. He casts dark shadows over the areas of light and confuses us. He reveals over and over how much we are lacking. He searches for the gaps and moves in to steal the areas of joy.

Think of this in opposition to God (big G), the God of abundance and light. He shows us where we need to adjust to improve. He surrounds us with ample things to be grateful for. He provides grace and mercy and offers new chances. He knows our inmost being and has plans of welfare for us.

I know to move out of this area of lack, I must focus on God, the one whose light is so intense it can pierce through the darkness. I must continue to pray for God to reveal my purpose and ways I can continue to be sacrificial. I must seek Him for inspiration and focus on the abundant blessings He has put in my life.

Lord, today I seek you. In every area of lack in my life, I pray you fill it with your abundance. I pray you help me to find the peace that comes with trusting in you and placing my burdens in your hand. I pray you give me the openness to let you in and allow me receive you fully. Dispel any sense of lack in my life with light and restoration. Lord, you are in control.

“A psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. In green pastures he makes me lie down; to still waters he leads me; he restores my soul. He guides me along right paths for the sake of his name. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. You set a table before me in front of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Indeed, goodness and mercy will pursue me all the days of my life; I will dwell in the house of the Lord for endless days.”
‭‭- Psalm‬ ‭23‬