Oversharing: building depth or lack of interior discipline?

Ever feel like you overshare? Like you tell some random person the deepest parts of you and what you’re going through and then look up and realize you’ve shared too much? That maybe, just maybe, you didn’t need to tell this acquaintance every detail of your life that you’re still discerning? 

This is a place I find myself in often. Why do I share? I think part of it is how my brain processes. I cannot work through a problem or a new endeavor until I talk it out. If I need to work through something and it happens to get brought up in front of people, I begin to use that opportunity to talk about it and start processing through it. But also, I think a part of me strives to be vulnerable. I want to tell people the deep things and connect in hopes they are willing to share deeper things with me. I want to go deeper. I hate surface level conversations. I don’t really care about the mundane, everyday things people talk about like weather, tv shows, celebrities, etc. As such, it isn’t rare for me to completely overshare with strangers. To want to be more vulnerable with them in hopes we can build a deeper relationship.

Generally, it has been a good thing. At times, it has fostered friendships with a new person. Other times, though, I’ve left replaying the conversation over and over wondering why I shared so much of myself. Why would I let the world see a less than polished version of myself? Why would I share so much of my struggle? Why would I tell them things I am still discerning? Why would I let them in my inner circle? I have often wondered if I was lacking the interior discipline to pray over the matter and wait for God. Why did I need to share it all?

However, over and over again, God has used these conversations for good. Setting a tone for the depth of relationship I am looking for with people from the onset is important — no matter coworkers, friends, etc. It has been beneficial to be honest and, over time, receive honesty and vulnerability in return. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, something I’ve always despised. When I look at it objectively though, it has only helped to surround me with people that build me up and desire to go deeper themselves. It has fostered community and support from people I didn’t expect. It has resulted in friends of different ages, genders, and walks of life. And, namely, sharing my faith and my journey has opened doors I couldn’t have imagined. It’s brought me to people I wouldn’t have chosen to be surrounded by, but the Lord knew I needed.

What level of vulnerability do you have with those you encounter? It may look different for various groups — family, friends, coworkers, strangers, etc. If you share very little, are you currently content with the depth of your relationship? If you share everything, has it been beneficial or would you be well-served to keep a bit more disclosed to prayer? Spend a few minutes thinking through each group and pray over where you think God is asking you to make a shift.

Lord, as we walk through life, help us to continue to be vulnerable. I pray you may show each of us the path forward but not allow us to be afraid to use the people you have placed around us to discern the next step. You are the cornerstone, Lord. Yours is the foundation upon which we rest, but your people can lead us to you. May we witness to each other along the journey.