The lies of the devil

Fraud. Impostor. Fake.

These are just a few the lies the devil tells us when we’re doing God’s work. When we have turned away from our past sins, asked for forgiveness and are using our stories for the Lord’s benefit, the devil attacks. He attacks our leaders relentlessly, using our own minds for our downfall.

Throughout my time leading ministry for a nonprofit organization, I felt like the biggest fraud. Even though I strived to share my testimony and be vulnerable about my journey and my sins, I couldn’t help but feel like I was giving off this false idea that I was some holy person while deep down I had secrets. People didn’t know my past; they didn’t know how unqualified I was to lead. They didn’t know all the things I did that made me far from someone who should be in that position. I lived my life so far away from God before. Even though I came back fervently into my faith, I struggled with my daily prayer life during my time as President and was in a spiritual desert. I felt so undeserving of that role.

I used to imagine what my old friends would think of me leading a faith organization. I imagined they would laugh about the irony as they recalled stories of me living in sin. A largely agnostic and atheist group, I worried I would further damage their already-harsh views of Christianity and its “hypocrisy”. I struggled to get past what they would think of my newfound faith and attempt to lead others to it.

After wrestling with those feelings for months, I realized how much the devil was attacking me and feeding me those lies to prevent me from further evangelizing. When I looked at it objectively, I knew that Jesus had forgiven me for my past and was walking alongside me in my current desert. He didn’t want me to be embarrassed by my story, but to USE it for the better. He wanted me to share how I overcame those areas, to witness to others the changes I made and still have to strive to make every single day to live a life of faith. He wanted me to be vulnerable and share about the sins with which I was currently struggling.

By no surprise, when I quit being embarrassed of my faults and, instead, became thankful for the way he transformed me from them, my perspective began to shift. I no longer felt like a fraud, just a sinner truly gracious for his mercy.

If you are struggling with these feelings, know that God has already redeemed your embarrassment and shame. Let go of those pain points and be thankful for the changes you made in your life. If your past was dark but your present is light, Halleluiah, you are exactly who Jesus came to save! To fully move forward from the person you used to be, you must let go of the ill will you have toward that version of yourself. Jesus already forgave you, why haven’t you forgiven yourself? Don’t be ashamed of your story. Instead, use it to help someone you notice may be going down the same path you were on. Use it to evangelize. As one of my friends told me, “You’re not a great leader because you’ve never sinned. You’re a great leader because you turned your life away from that and allowed your passion and fire to change others’ hearts and have a desire to live better. You’re a great leader because you’re relatable, because you’re not up here preaching, because you’ve lived it.”

I invite you to take a few minutes to fervently pray over the areas where you need to allow Jesus in to heal your heart. Furthermore, pray for the Lord to rebuke the devil, because he isn’t going to stop attacking you. In fact, he will specifically target you if you are trying to lead others to Christ. Satan sees you converting others and making the world a better place and attacks you to steal every piece of self-worth and joy he can find. He attacks hard and plays the long game. He waits for the moment of joy and steals it right from under you. He makes you dwell on things you’ve already confessed, question things you’ve already surrendered.

If you’re a leader, you are a light, so there is no doubt in my mind that the evil one is trying to slither in any way he can to cause darkness and destruction. Push those thoughts away. The changes you made to live your life for the Lord are lifegiving to those around you. You’re a model for those you encounter. Yes, you are sinner. Yes, you may have a past. But you were chosen to lead and share your story by the Lord for His glorious purpose. Don’t let the devil steal that mission or joy from you.

“Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings. The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ [Jesus] will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little. To him be dominion forever. Amen.” – 1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬-‭11‬ ‭