My Sins Drove the Nails – The Passion

Tonight, on the Passion of Jesus Christ, I feel the weight of His death. I recognize how easy every part of my life has been to this moment and the grace God has extended to me. Yet, one of my repetitive sins is complaining. I haven’t narrowed my complaints either – from things so ridiculously minor to being overcome in grief – I am quick to share and rage about them all. Day after day, I do it. I complain about the easy, amazing life that He was tortured to save.

Today was different. I truly pictured what Calvary looked like. The scourging that resulted in 39 stripes, with the smell of raw flesh and blood on the ground. The crisp points of the thorns that were driven into His skull, which I could only imagine would make one nauseous. The severe weight of the cross that was enough to make any man fall and deplete every ounce of energy. The trail of blood that must have followed His staggering steps. The nails, so fiercely driven into His hands and feet, puncturing some of the weakest points of the body. The immense pull of gravity and staggered breathing as His lungs slowly drowned. The final defeat as He hung for my sins.

Today in Mass, I experienced that weight. I felt those nails driven into His hands. I grasped a portion of the pain. Then, the Priest spoke, “Imagine it wasn’t the nails that put Jesus on the cross, but your sins.”

Oh my Jesus, whose sorrow was so great, but whose life was fully glorified in time, how I am sorry that my sins caused you this harm. I’m deeply regretful that my stubbornness and need for control put you on that cross, that you had to suffer so immensely to save this ungrateful soul. I’m deeply sorry for daring to complain about the minor afflictions in my life. All the suffering I’ve ever experienced in my life could never amount to one hour of the pain you experienced at Calvary. My dying Jesus, please forgive me for the times I’ve betrayed you. For the times I went against what I knew what was right. For the times I didn’t appreciate every single second you suffered for the sake of my soul. Oh my Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner.