Courage in the face of grief

Tonight, as I came upon the words of Tobit, I am reminded that Sarah had seven husbands that died on their wedding night. Seven. She found someone that was right for her seven times, and then they were gone. I imagine that hardship and pain. I imagine, upon marrying Tobit, the doubt and fear in that journey moving forward and the feeling that it all would be taken away again. And then her mother says “Take courage, my daughter! May the Lord of heaven grant you joy in place of your grief! Courage, my daughter!”

Courage in the face of grief. In the face of walking through those areas that hurt and pained us and not giving up hope. Not throwing it in. Turning it into a place of joy. Not being reminded of all the times it has hurt us in the past, but looking forward to see the joy in the future. To have courage in the Lord.

These words are comforting tonight. Dating generally hasn’t gone my way and has long been something I’ve struggled to understand. I have often felt alone and in fear of my future. I approach good men somewhat fearfully, scared they are going to go away or go down the same path as the last. I walk forward shakily, not with courage. I walk forward “knowing the outcome” without trusting that one day it will come. Without courage. Without hope.

Today, Lord, I ask that you help me to change that. To walk forward with courage and hope and know that you will turn my grief into joy. To know joy will come when you decide to realize the plan for my future, not from me trying to control it. To know that you have to prepare me and my future spouse for each other and cut out things along the way that are inhibiting us from moving forward. Tobit literally had to draw the demon out of the room to be with Sarah. He had to get rid of every force separating them. I know that you, Lord, are doing the same. Preparing each of us. Expelling us from every human desire or piece that is separating us from you. Casting out all demons that would try to enter the relationship. For you, Lord, know all. You are the Alpha and the Omega. You command the morning and know exactly what you have planned. I am merely your servant, Lord. Teach me your ways. Allow me to keep hope and courage for your plans. Jesus, I trust in you.