The Captivity of Comparison

1,141. That’s how many so called friends I have on Facebook. When you look across my social media in general, that number becomes even larger, nearing 2,000. 2,000 friends. 2,000 people who I’m sharing my life with. 2,000 people I’m giving the opportunity to judge me based solely on the content I decide to share with them. 2,000 people whose lives I’m judging based on the content they’ve shared with me.

As I take a deep dive of those numbers versus looking at my real life, this is not an accurate portrayal of who I am. If you collect all the family and friends, aunts, cousins, etc. who I’m close with, that number is probably around 100. When you look at how many I talk to on a monthly basis, under 50. On a weekly basis, under 20. But if you look closely at those people who I share my deep secrets with, my failures, my shortcomings, my struggle, my faith and my true joys, you’re probably in the 5-10 range. And if you really look at that one person who I talk to daily and literally knows everything about me and the desires of my heart – the Lord – He’s not even included in that number.

But let’s sit with those 5-10 close people who really have been in my life through the ups and downs and compare it to that first number of 2000. I’ll start by saying that I know each and every one of those 2000 people. I don’t friend strangers. At some point, they were a friend or acquaintance; at some point, I knew them. But when I say I knew them, I didn’t really know many of them, and they didn’t know me. We had some common interests or friends, hung out a few times, had fun together, but the relationship never got deeper. However, that relationship warranted a friend request. It warranted us following each other online for the next 10 years, keeping up with each other’s lives that we never really knew about in the first place.

I allowed 2000 people to influence me. 2000 unique individuals whose different beliefs I was reading or allowing their negativity to affect me. I scrolled through and liked all the wonderful things they were sharing and would wonder why they didn’t like my post or pictures. I was worried about what I looked like, who I was with, what would get me more attention and what made me look cool, but I never shared the hard stuff. I never shared that only Christ got me through. I never shared my true identity or the girl who worried so much and had terrible anxiety trying to find my right path, right friends, right calling. I didn’t share it because I wanted everyone to think my life was going great. In reality, I was struggling. I had many friends, but few close friends. Most people generally liked me because I was nice, but I constantly got left out. I struggled with who I was.

In all this time, I didn’t turn to God. Instead, I wondered how all these people could be living the life I wanted and had planned for myself, and yet I was on the outside.

Eventually, I found a personal relationship with the Lord. He renewed me and strengthened me, He reminded me how wonderful I am to be his daughter and how much He loves me, and He reminded of those 5-10 wonderful people who really never left my side. I didn’t need to compare myself or gossip about all these other people’s lives — I had a pretty great one of my own. The fancy Christmas tree and house that I envied — I was reminded of the really amazing house that I grew up in with the best Christmas traditions. Our tree may have been small, but it was filled with ornaments that meant something. Some were passed on from generations, some Mom painted when her & Dad were first married, and most were handmade by us kids when we were little. The tree was small, by the time I was in high school I was taller than it, but it was filled with love and rich in tradition. Dad and I would untangle the terrible mess of lights each year but we would be laughing and feeling accomplished by the end. Mom would pull out each ornament and give it to us kids to hang while we all reminisced on where it came from or the funny ones we made at a young age. When all the decorations were hung, Dad would add the angel on top of the tree to watch over us. Looking back, I love that family tradition, but if I get caught up in the “fanciness” of everyone else’s trees on Facebook, I lose that precious gift. Does their fancy tree have a story? Maybe, but it isn’t the one God gave me to cherish.

When I began realizing the weight of comparisons and lack of joy it brought, I started unfollowing the people who were toxic to my news feed and those posting things I didn’t agree with. I started accepting that my self worth was more than the likes on a picture. I started sharing about my faith, even when it scared me what the response would be. Overall, it ultimately gave me more peace.

Do I still compare or discern what the right thing to post will be? Sure. I’m human. I want to be liked. But when I started valuing my self worth as more than the number of likes and instead valued how God saw me, it deepened my relationship with the Lord, made me a better person and allowed me truly be happy with who God made me to be.

Don’t let social media and comparisons hold you captive. You were created uniquely by the Master of the Universe for His purpose. Embrace who He created you to be.